


Midnight Musings by Tiger Moon

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-11
Updated: 1999-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song on the radio make Jim do some serious thinking. by Tiger Moon</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Musings by Tiger Moon

**Author's Note:**

> This is all V's fault.  Plain and simple.  She's

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## Midnight Musings

By [Tiger Moon](mailto:)  


Author's homepage: <http://members.aol.com/ATigerMoon/fic.html>

Disclaimer: The Boys belong to Pet Fly, I just borrow them to play with once in a while.  Selected bits of lyrics to Possession By Sarah McLachlan, owned and written by Sarah McLachlan. 

Summary: A song on the radio make Jim do some serious thinking. 

Tiger Notes: This is all V's fault.  Plain and simple.  She's writing a TS story based on the lyrics to Possession by Sarah McLachlan and we were talking about it, I commented on the fact that's I'd write it a different way, meaning probably slash.  Well she dared\challenged me to write it my way so that she could see if she was right in her thinking about how I'd do it.  Well were you?  Did I?  And of course I'd like to thanks both Lily and V for the beta reads.  J 

Lily's Notes: I am not to Blame for this. 

<comments and constructive criticism welcome and encouraged>

* * *

Jim sat in the cold truck.  There had been entirely to many lonely stakeouts these days.  After the case with Brad Ventriss, and Blair's temporary dismissal from the University.  Sandburg now spent more time at the U, teaching and working on research projects.  Blair didn't want to give them any excuse to revoke his position again.  Which is why Jim was alone tonight. Sandburg had a stack of exams to grade and then recorded by morning, and sitting in a cold dark truck was not the way to get them done. 

He flicked on the radio, looking for something descent to fill the silence that normally would have been filled by Blair's presence, their conversations ranging from discussing the most recent Jags game, their favorite TV show to  political discussions.  Running the gamut of stations he couldn't find anything that held his interest for more than a few phrases.  On the last station was playing a song by an artist he'd heard coming from Blair's room.  He didn't know her name but the lyrics caught his attention.  Passionate, erotic.  They made him think of Blair almost instantly.  When the song was over Jim flipped off the radio, he didn't want another song to play,  he wanted to think  about the lyrics he heard.  
  

Listen as the wind blows,  
Across the great divide.  
Voices trapped in yearning  
Memories trapped in time  
The night is my companion  
And solitude my guide.  
Would I spend forever here  
And not be satisfied.  
  

Yeah, solitude had always been his friend, ever since he was a child, after his mother left.  There had been good times with Steven, before.  Before their father turned them against each other.  Before he'd left for college and then the Army.  He'd been a loner in the Army.  His time in Peru, even as part of the Chopec, was lonely. Even his time on the force he was a loner, classified a rogue and often volunteered for the cases that no one else wanted so that he wouldn't have to work with a partner. 

But three years ago the solitude he'd surrounded himself with came crashing down around him when Blair entered his life.  Like a charging bull Blair had moved into his life making the loft a home, and giving him something besides loneliness to come home too.  He never knew how unsatisfied he was with his life, until Blair showed him how it could be.  He missed the energy that poured off his partner, even now with this new more mature version of the man who came barging into his life.  The fountain and Alex Barnes had done that to him.  Or maybe it was him, who led to the change in Blair.  The danger he was exposed to as a Police Observer and Jim's partner tempered the enthusiasm that made him rock on the balls of his feet with excitement and gesture wildly as he explained some theory.  
  

Through this world I've stumbled  
So many times betrayed  
Trying to find an honest word  
To find the truth enslaved  
Oh you speak to me in riddles  
You speak to me in rhyme  
My body aches to breath your breath  
Your words keep me alive  
  

There had been so many times that Blair had been in danger.  Jim was the one responsible for saving him.  Blair was his partner.  Those were the times that got remembered--the police observer once again in trouble and in need of rescue by the detective.  What was never mentioned.  Never acknowledged, was how many times Blair had saved his life, right from that first day.  Whether it was the litany of words that came spilling from him when he needed to explain what was happening to Jim, or the quiet calm voice he used when he led the detective through the darkness of a zone out.  Those words kept him alive, they kept him sane, even when Jim admittedly had no clue what his partner was talking about.  He trusted Blair.  And for Jim Ellison trust was a major thing.  Not given easily and not easily forgiven if broken. 

Jim fought the gift he'd been given, afraid of its responsibility.  Afraid that the words drummed into him from his child hood would come true, he wouldn't be good enough.  He'd stumbled along that path for most of his adult life, hearing the harsh words coming from his father reminding him not to get to close, least he disappoint those most important to him.  It had already happened with Carolyn and their marriage and he'd almost let it happen with Blair.  But as cliche as it sounded Jim knew the truth, what they could make of it, always won out.  And the discovered truth about Alex Barnes had set them both free.  Part of Jim cursed himself, that he hadn't learned those lessons before he destroyed his marriage, yet the other part realised that if he had learned them earlier that Blair wouldn't be a part of his life now.  So he made his peace with Carolyn and next to Blair and Simon, her family was still his family.  
  

Into this night I wander  
It's morning that I dread.  
Another day of knowing  
The path I fear to tread.  
  

Jim looked at his watch, not needing to press the button that would turn on the indiglo light and illuminate the face.  He sighed, it was only half past 2, it was going to be a long night.  It was to quiet.  There were no sounds of pages being turned.  No sounds of breathing or the heartbeat that he knew as well as he knew his own.  No scent of herbs and pine that drifted over every time Blair shook his head or ran his fingers through his long curls in frustration.  But most of all no Blair.  Jim missed Blair's presence, even if he was curled up sound asleep against the door with Jim's coat as his pillow.  Jim used those quiet moments to just watch his partner sleep, seeing whatever pressures and tensions the grad student was under disappear for at least a while. 

Jim dreaded the mornings after an all night stakeout.  He'd come home just as Blair was leaving for the University.  There would be no time for their morning breakfast rituals of coffee, juice, and some pastry that Blair would pop down to the bakery to get while he was in the shower.  Those morning rituals set the tone of the day for Jim, and when he missed it he felt out of sorts for the rest of the day. 

Jim didn't think about the why of it all.  Why the morning rituals meant so much to him?  Why Blair's simple presence changed him and even why he allowed it to happen?  No one else could have or would have dared to try to make the difference that Blair had made in his life.  He wasn't ready yet, but he could feel the day coming closer, when he would be ready to answer the questions. 

Jim looked at his watch again, more time had passed, thankfully time was winding down and soon it would be morning.  
  

And I would be the one  
To hold you down  
Kiss you so hard  
I'll take your breath away  
After I'd wipe your tears  
Just close your eyes dear  
  

A knock on the window from the passenger side startled him, he'd been so intent on his thoughts and watching the boring house, that he hadn't heard the arrival of another person.  Not just another person, but Blair.  Reaching over, he unlocked the door and watched his roommate crawl in. 

"Hey Jim," Blair said cheerfully, too cheerfully for the hour of the night.  "Hot coffee." He said, handing over the thermos. 

"Sandburg, you're a god." Jim told him as he took the thermos and poured himself a cup. 

"That's me," the younger man grinned. 

Jim reached out and cuffed the back of Blair's head.  He didn't dare speak not after Blair flashed him 'that' smile.  The one that lit up his eyes and turned them an amazing shade of sapphire.  _God, he takes my breath away when he aims that smile at me_ Jim thought.  The loneliness he'd been feeling, faded with Blair's arrival. 

* * *

End Midnight Musings.

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